Time Traveling Teens or Man, This Is Wrong
by Digital-Dragon-Master
Summary: The insert in Gundam SEED Randomness! or When Two Fans Go Crazy! The Gundam SEED cast go traveling through time while the three hosts go to school. You can smell the change right now, can't you? RR Pairings in my profile.
1. Welcome to Reality or Something Like It

A/N Welcome… This will make a world of more sense if you read out Gundam SEED Randomness! or When Two Fans Go Crazy! … We're gonna have to fix that title soon.

Okay, just Disclaimer now.

Disclaimer: What do we own? We own Yzak's girly squeal, oh, and also we own many inside jokes in this story, which we will state at the end because there are too many for this little disclaimer. We don't own the comet-killed-the-dinosaurs theory, and we don't own Gundam SEED in general… Or Excalibur… Cagalli will soon own that…and we do not own Order of the Stick…

Mike: I OWN THE COOKIE THEORY!

The Gundam SEED cast found themselves in a long hallway with lots of lockers. They were quite puzzled as this was not the dimension they were in before, but not theirs either.

"Welcome to real life." They all turned around to find the three girls in their regular clothes… Well, as regular as they could be.

Kira blinked as he stared at Ashley's shirt. "Is that a Gundam shirt?"

Lacus stared at the girl's head. "Is that a metal headband?"

Some kid walking by said, "It's a license plate… And she's a niiiinja!"

A girl then cried, "A Dragon Ninja!"

Ashley glared. "Go away! We're trying to write a story!"

"… Isn't that the guy you have a crush on?" The girl pointed to a boy down the hall.

"GO AWAY!"

There was mild chuckling.

Athrun looked at her necklace. "Are those Chibis? Of the four of us?" He gestured to Kira, Lacus, Cagalli, and himself.

"Yeah," Mike popped up. "Sometimes she makes them kiss!"

The four blushed. "WHA-WHAT!"

"T-t-t-time to go back to your own times!" Ashley said hurridly.

Sara stroked her chin. "Not necessarily."

"Oh?" Ashley raised an eyebrow. They all glanced at each other. "HUDDLE!"

Yzak was drooling over the lockers. "Th-these are lockers!"

"We can see that, Yzak." Dearka said calmly.

"B-but the metal, the shape, the obviously messy insides! These must be from 2004 A.D.!"

"Actually 2005, but good guess!" Mike called in.

They all stared at Yzak for a second.

"He's a history buff." Shiho explained.

"You have a voice actress?" Kira asked.

"OKAY!" They all turned to the three girls. They held in their hand a remote with a big shiny red button.

"We're going to send you through time since we have to go school." Sara said.

"WHAT!"

"Well, I mean, we'll take you home eventually, but we want to have more fun later, so you can travel the space-time continu- aw, forget it…" Mike grinned.

Ashley put the remote in their hands. "Now, be VERY careful not to change the past, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," Athrun waved his hand, looking at the technology eagerly. "This stuff is ancient…"

"But what it does it brand new!" Sara called. "BYE!"

Then, a –ZAP!- (no poofing), they were gone…

"… You guys don't think we did a bad thing, right?" Ashley asked as they walked to class.

"Naw." The other two shook their heads, waving good bye as their friend walked into her class (neh, they're in one class, I'm in another).


	2. LeopardSkin Bikinis or OOGA OOGA OOG

AN: WE'RE BAAAAACK! AGAIN! Yes, after many months of homework, homework, and more homework, WE HAVE A DAY OFF! … A four-day weekend. Booyah. You should probably read our other story (Gundam SEED Randomness! or When Two Fans Go Crazy!) first, as this directly follows the VOP segment, which we are finishing up today.

Disclaimer: We don't own Gundam SEED. We don't own _The Wizard of Oz_… _Wicked_ pwns… Don't own it. We don't own _Rugrats_. Yeah, stop staring. We don't own _Spider-Man_. We don't own the Space Program. We don't own _Monty Python and the Holy Grail_. We don't own _Star Wars_.

* * *

With a giant 'ZAP!', the cast of our favorite anime found themselves surrounded by a dense tropical rainforest with odd noises. Shiho walked forward and picked up one of the leaves, staring at it.

"I don't think we're in A.D. anymore…" She commented.

Yzak, who had been studying the foliage and fauna remarked, "It appears that we are in 65 million B.C., you know, around the time of the dinosaurs."

Athrun blinked at him for a moment. "You need friends," which prompted an-Yzak-glare.

Kira, however, was looking at Yzak much differently. "A-are you wearing a-a-a-"

Kira was cut off by a loud scream. Everyone turned to Cagalli, who was wearing a leopard-skin bikini. It appeared Yzak was too. And Miriallia. And Fllay. And Shiho. She screamed too.

Yzak, in a random burst of feminineness, squeeed (pronounced like 'squeal' without the 'l'), "We're wearing matching bras!"

Everyone stared at him for a moment before said Coordinator burst out into Chibi tears. "WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME!" It was followed by, "I MUST GO AND HIDE MY SHAME!" And then ran away into the bushes.

The teen guys, however, were currently all having nose-bleeds, except for Kira, who was screaming, "MY EYES!" No brother should ever have to see that. Actually, Mwu wasn't having a nose-bleed. He was trying to find Murrue, who seemed to have decided to hide due to, well… use your imagination… or don't. Please don't.

Cagalli was slamming Athrun head into a nearby tree. "FOCUS!"

"I'm trying!"

"NOT ON ME!"

In the confusion, the remote-time-thingy fell out of his pocket in the leopard-skin he was wearing and hit a rock, causing it to spark. No one noticed this.

A little kid, Meyrin, tugged on Miriallia's leg. "Why are all the guys having nose-bleeds?"

"You'll understand when you get older." She patted little Shinn on the head while he was not nose-bleeding. "Why can't they stay this cute?"

"I wanna always stay this cute because Stellar said she likes cute things!" Shinn chirped.

Stellar blushed, and a second later, glomped him.

All the while, Yzak was behind a bush, trying to figure out how to cover himself up, when Lacus came up him with Haro behind her. "What are you doing?" She asked. Lacus was in a leopard-skin sundress instead of the bikini (hehe…).

Kira sobbed. "Why!"

Yzak replied dully, "I'm trying to hide my shame."

Suddenly, a loud rustle came from the bushes and loud cry of, "UGA UGA!" echoed through the trees. (Yes, we know- no cavemen back then, but this is just too irresistible)

Everyone stopped what they were doing (resulting in Athrun almost falling over from the near-concussion he now had) to see three large very hairy men wearing leopard-skins.

Yzak popped out from his bush, suddenly interested. "It seems they are cavemen. Wait, cavemen?"

The cavemen laughed at Yzak's shame. "OOGA OOGA OOG! Translation: You look like our women!"

Yzak, who had no life in junior high school, had actually learned to speak caveman. "Hey! Well, OOGA UGA UH! Translation: You're fat and hairy, you troglodytes!"

The cavemen gasped. "UUHGA! Translation: Heathen!"

Athrun leaned over to Yzak, "You see those long, pointy spears they're holding?" A nod. "You want to be on the end of them?"

"Point taken." Yzak replied. Shiho slapped him for the horrible pun.

Haro floated up to the cavemen and started rapidly conversing… in caveman… with little 'Haro!' yells thrown in.

Cagalli turned to Athrun. "You programmed him to speak in caveman!"

"It seemed like a good idea at the time…"

The cavemen suddenly yelled and cried, "OO UGA OO! Translation: RUN AWAY, YOU IDIOTS! METEOR!"

"What'd he say, Yzak?" Nicol asked. Yzak didn't respond. "Yzak?" They found Yzak gone.

The cavemen soon followed. "OO OO OO! Translation: Maybe that girly one's not so stupid after all!"

Kira blinked. "What are they running from?" Athrun, who was looking at a large meteor falling from the sky, sharply turned his head to the sight. "Oh, CENSORED."

Lacus shoved a random bar of soap into his mouth. "There are children!"

The six children blinked at one another, shrugging. "We're all growed up!" Luna cried, the result of her little sister's wish.

Dearka, who still had one wish left, had a sudden idea. "I wish there was a Gundam here!"

Chirp, chirp. "Isn't that not supposed to work here?" Sai asked.

"No, I decided to save my last wish, remember?" Dearka responded.

"Oh, right…" Sai knew everything.

There was silence. Dearka tried again, louder. "I SAID, I WISH THERE WAS A GUNDAM HERE!"

* * *

Ashley, sitting in Language Arts, felt a sudden tingling feeling. "Wish-senses-tingling."

The girl sitting next to her, who happened to be the same one from the previous chapter, asked, "What was that, Ashley?"

"Uh, nothing Mel!" Ashley grinned nervously. "Just go back to your Space magazine!"

"Shh, Mrs. Huster hasn't noticed yet!" Mel hissed.

Ashley turned to her teacher, Mrs. Huster and asked, "Um, Mrs. Huster, can I go to the bathroom?"

"No, Ashley, you have to wait until break." The teacher responded.

Ashley then heard a loud echoing yell in her head. "I SAID, I WISH THERE WAS A GUNDAM HERE!"

She then started dancing around on both feet. "But I really, really gotta go!"

Mrs. Huster ignored her horrible grammar as Ashley's classmates stared at her in confusion. "Well, all right… Just take a pass…"

"YES!" Ashley dashed out of the room, leaving one of the boys to say, "What the hell? … Ninja." Ashley stuck her head back in the classroom, "SHUT UP, PATTY!"

Ashley ran down the hall to the bathroom to find Mike and Sara already there. "What, how did you guys get here?"

The said in unison. "We were in the library. Mr. Pollack forgot about us again."

"Oh… Well, that's convenient." Ashley coughed. "Well, um, do you want to, or should I?"

"Let's do it together!" Sara cried in her Pinky-voice. The other two gave her a blank stare. "Right…"

With a wave of their hands, there was a big 'POOF!' and a time portal opened in the air, sending the 'POOF!' back.

"There," Mike said, "that should do it."

The three began the slow walk back to class.

* * *

Back in the past (…?), the 'POOF!' materialized and Dearka leaped into the air. "FINALLY!" He grinned at Miriallia. "I'LL SAVE US, MILLY!"

She smacked her head. "Don't you remember the technicalities!"

Dearka turned to see the Freedom, standing in all its glory. "Crap."

Kira started jumping around like a little boy on Christmas. "YAY!" He ran to the Freedom and hugged it. "I missed you, so!"

Lacus then got a sudden burst of enthusiasm. "Only you can save us, Kira!" And Dearka gloomed.

"Life sucks." He then got out a piece of paper and started writing a song.

Kira climbed into the Freedom and shot the slow-moving meteor right before it hit the ground. And there was much rejoicing.

Cagalli held up a little flag and waved it. "Yay."

Yzak suddenly ran back, wearing a bush to hide his shame. "YOU RUINED EVERYTHING!" He cried.

They rolled their eyes. "Oh, come on!" Athrun said. "What harm could this do? We just saved those nice cavemen."

"If you heard what they said about your mother you wouldn't say that…" Yzak grumbled.

"What?" Athrun blinked.

"Oh, nothing…"

Mwu, who had finally found Murrue (who was now wearing a leopard-skin dress), picked up the remote. "Next."

"But the dinosaurs-!"

**ZAP!**

* * *

Ashley bid farewell to her friends and walked into the room just as a quick flash passed through the reality. "Huh?" She shrugged. "Oh well."

Mrs. Huster cried, "Ashley! You're just in time for the Dinosaur Drill!"

"The Dinosaur… Drill?" Ashley paled. She then noticed a very hairy voice of one of her classmates. "Killian?"

"Uga."

"I have a bad feeling about this."

* * *

A/N: Hope you liked our latest installment!

Mike: And a comment about the story, when is Yzak's burst of girlyness random? Seriously!

Sara: Burn.


	3. HUZZAH! or She's a Witch!

A/N: Wow, it's really been a _long time_, huh? … Let's just get to the craziness.

Disclaimer: We do not own Gundam SEED. We do not own _Monty Python and the Holy Grail._

* * *

Calm. Peace. Tranquility. Complete and total silence. And then…

"WHY AM I WEARING A DRESS!"

Pandemonium.

Athrun was currently trying to get his girlfriend (Asucaga Forever! And they can't do anything about it. So meh) to calm down. "Cagalli, just relax."

"I'M GOING TO KILL SOMETHING!" Cagalli responded.

Kira, who was too busy examining the very Medieval-like scenery (hint, hint), ideally suggested, "You need some sort of weapon." He paused. "Where are Lacus and everyone else?"

Indeed, it appeared their little group had been separated.

Cagalli started feeling around for her gun, which she just couldn't find. "Crap!" She frowned. "There has to be something in this time that I can- Eureka!" She turned to Athrun, grinning widely. "Are there pointy things here?"

Athrun sweatdropped. "Ummm…" _Don't say anything. Don't say anything._

Kira, who was still looking for the Pink Princess, replied, "Of course there are. Hey, there's one just over there." Kira pointed to what seemed like a sword in a stone.

Cagalli took off running, however, her peasant dress slowed her down and a small boy had just pulled it out.

"Look!" Cried one of the peasants. "Someone hath pulled the sword from the stone!"

The peasants all ran to see who had pulled the infamous sword, but Cagalli got there first. She grabbed the sword from the boy.

"Gimme that! You're too young to be playing with sharp objects!" Cagalli said in a condescending manner.

"Hey!" The boy cried in a voice the puberty forgot. "I'm fourteen years old!"

Cagalli stared at him for a second. "Uh-huh… Right…"

He stuck his tongue out at her and stomped away, just in time for the crowd to reach the blonde. "Look, our new queen!"

Cagalli coughed. "Qu-queen?"

"Oh, no." Athrun, who had finally caught up with her, sighed.

A man in a long blue robe and a very pointy hat stepped forward. "Yes, it hath been fortoldeth in eth the prophecyeth- oh, forget it!" He turned to the others. "SHE'S OUR QUEEN!"

"HUZZAH!" The group all yelled.

Cagalli dropped the sword out of total shock.

"My queen," the old man said, "what shall we call our great ruler?"

"Um, Cagalli?" Cagalli blinked, still confused over exactly why she would suddenly be the ruler of an ancient people.

Athrun hissed through his teeth, "Don't you know the story of the sword and the stone!"

As if on cue, Stellar pushed through the crowd with the other Chibis in tow. "CAGALLI-CHAN!" She glomped her.

"And this must be our Princess!" Cried the man.

"HUZZAH!"

"Stellar's a princess!" Stellar danced.

Cagalli put on a fake smile. "Uh, these are my cousins… Yeah, that's it, my cousins!" She pulled the six forward. They were very confused as well. As if by fate (or coincidence) she spied Lacus, Fllay, Shiho, and Sai in the crowd. She pointed at the last three. "And I know her and her and him and she's my brother's," she yanked Kira up next to her, "fiancé."

"THE PINK PRINCESS!" A voice cried from a far.

Athrun pointed at the crowd just as they yelled, "HUZZAH!"

Cagalli looked at the old man for a second. "You wouldn't happen to be Merlin, would you?"

"Why, yes, m'lady! I will do anything to please-"

"Yeah, you're fired." Cagalli said lazily.

"B-but I have been in the service of the royal family-"

"I'm the queen, right?" Cagalli asked.

"Right…"

"So, you do what I say, right?"

"Right…"

"And I say you're fired. Now go." She dismissed him with a wave of her hand. "Sai?"

"Uh, yeah?" Sai asked.

"You're my new adviser, congrats." Cagalli said to the stuttering Sai.

A random person in the crowd asked, "And who would that blue-haired boy be?"

"Oh, no." Athrun muttered again. "I'm not here, you can't see me."

Of course, Meyrin had something different to say. "He's Queen Cagalli's boyfriend!"

There was a pause, and then, "HUZZAH!" There was much talk. "We shall plan the wedding!"

"W-wedding!" The two being talked about blushed profoundly.

"Oh, Lord…" Shiho slapped her forehead.

"We must get you into the finest ball-gown of-"

Cagalli held up a hand, still reeling from the 'wedding' idea. "Stop right there. As your queen I say this: BURN ALL DRESSES!" She looked at Lacus's sad face. "Except for hers."

"But we shall have nothing to wear!" A woman from the crowd shouted.

"Oh, for the love of- you don't have to wear dresses! Wear what the men wear!" Cagalli groaned. "You will no longer be separated by different clothing!"

Nicol asked Lacus, "Isn't this supposed to happen a few hundred years later?"

Lacus tried to keep up a positive smile. "What harm could it cause?"

As we know by the title, soooo much.

* * *

The little group was traveling to Cagalli's new castle, when Sai happened to spy Miriallia. "Hey, isn't that Milly?" He asked.

Cagalli peered over. "Why, yeah, it is…" She then called to the crowd. "HAULT!" They did.

Miriallia was surrounded by a group of angry people. "We must have the trial!"

"Why must we! She's a witch!"

"Don't I get any say in this?" Milly asked.

"WITCH! WITCH!" The group chanted.

"I guess not…"

Cagalli walked over to them. "What's going on here?"

"Our queen!" It appeared news had gotten around fast. "We are merely in the process of purging your kingdom of evil and witchcraft!"

Cagalli gave them a strange look. "Then why do you have my friend on trial?"

They gasped. "Thou hath a friend that beeth a witch!"

"Of course not!" She snapped. "What kind of crazy trial is this, anyway!"

"A simple one." Commented the head peasant. He revealed a large balance. "If she weighs more than a duck, she is fine. If she weighs less or equal to a duck, she is a witch!" The crowd all started chanting again.

"'Weighs less than a duck'!" An incredibly annoying voice that made everyone slightly grimace erupted from the crowd. Fllay pushed her way through. "That's insane!"

"You're insane." Cagalli muttered, but let her continue.

"No girl weighs less than a duck!" She cried. "I'll prove it!"

And before anyone could cry out, "You idiot, all the balances are rigged!" she climbed onto the other side of the balance and…

Was just slightly more than the duck.

"See!" Fllay taunted. "My point!"

Cagalli whistled an "innocent" tune and kicked a rock over to the side of the balance with the duck, making it tip ever so slightly.

"SHE'S A WITCH!" The crowd erupted into chants. "A WITCH, A WITCH!" Fllay was then dragged off with cries of, "must burn the witch!" echoing behind.

Sai stared after her. "Are they really going to kill her?" He asked nervously.

Cagalli sighed. "Unfortunately, the laws of time forbid it, remember…" She then perked up. "I want to see my new castle."

* * *

Sara and Mike were sitting in class, very bored. Suddenly…

"And," Mr. Pollack, Sara and Mike's teacher continued, "this event was almost parallel to the," FLASH! "great 'Salem Dress Maker Trial', which-"

"Wait a second," Sara asked, "'The Salem Dress Maker Trial'!"

"Yes," Mr. Pollack responded. "Don't tell me you don't know your American history?"

"Wait…" The knowledge swept through Sara's mind, along with the feeling of slight nausea. "No, I remember… Sorry…"

"Good, now," Mr. Pollack continued on to his lecture with no one listen.

Mike and Sara exchange a glance and one word passed Mike's lips.

"Crap."

**End of Part One**

* * *

A/N: Medieval times is very fun. We want you to see the first part, so this is split into two. This was our first idea, actually, so we have a lot of material… Yes… And now… **_REVIEW!_**

Stellar: ;pops out of nowhere; Please?

Mike and Sara: Because no one can say no to a Chibi!


	4. Sara's Coat of Solitude or Yzak's Karma

A/N: WE'RE BAAAACK! And in High School! For the purpose of this fic, we are still in 8th grade. Boy, won't they be surprised when we show up older?

Disclaimer: We don't own it, got it memorized?

Sara: AXEL-CHAN! SQUEE!!!

Mike: One of my teachers said that…

… ;cough; Don't own Kingdom Hearts II … or I…

* * *

So, where did we leave off last time? It's been too long… Oh! Right! Here we are… AHEM!

"So are you _sure_ that Fllay will be alright?" Sai asked for what seemed like the millionth time.

"YES!" Cagalli yelled. "Jeez, you've been asking that for, like, nine months or something." Silence passed over them. "Why did I…?"

Sai groaned. "Nevermind…"

"Your palace lies hither, O lady of Camelot! May you rest your weary head and have a Midsummer's Night Dream!" Cried a disclaimer-toting peasant. "The girls don't own Shakespeare."

"Oh, for the love of- I thought we did away with all that medieval talk last time!" Shiho grumbled.

Before them was a very large, very odd looking palace. Yes, that's all you're going to get. We're not feeling like describing it. Use your freaking imaginations. You were all born with them. If _we_ didn't have them, we wouldn't be writing this. … Dang, I HATE it when I go on tangents… (Mike and Sara: We do too… ;sweatdrop;)

But we will give you this:

Luna tipped her head. "Is it supposed to be tipping?"

"WE'RE STILL WORKING ON IT!" A worker twitched. "Apologies, your majesty…"

"HELP, HELP I'M BEING REPRESSED!" Called a voice from off to the side.

The group looked over to see Murrue, Mwu, Dearka, and Yzak surrounded by a group of peasants.

"We shall burn them!" Cried one.

"No, we shall boil them!" Another yelled.

"No, we shall put them in the cage with the geese!" Silence. "It seemed logical a moment ago… I must go drown myself…"

Kira walked over to the group. "What's going on here?"

"ANOTHER ONE!" They cried.

Cagalli marched over before they could surround Kira. "Ahem."

"OUR QUEEN!" They bowed down to her. "We were merely charging these witches with-"

"Not witches, again." Cagalli paused. "Friends." She looked over the group. "Mostly…"

Yzak glared. "Is that supposed to be an insult?"

"Maybe."

"What'd I do to you?.!." Yzak yelled.

"Well, you turned my boyfriend's hair pink." Cagalli told him. "And we were having a very nice moment, too…"

"But… But… But… How'd you…?" Yzak sputtered.

Athrun sunk down into the crowd. "I'm still not here; you still can't see me…"

Superstitious crowd shouted, "SHE'S A WITCH!"

"GRRRAAAGH!.!.!.!.! I'M A MAN! IF YOU'RE GOING TO INSULT ME, DO IT PROPERLY!" Yzak twitched wildly.

"But you do not look like a man; you look like our women, but in manly clothes!" A peasant whined.

Sai coughed. "Yeah, well, dresses are outlawed now, so good luck with that."

Cagalli cleared her throat. "All right, I want to see the inside of my palace, now! Hmmm… You and you, you two can come in." She pointed to Mwu and Murrue.

"What?.!." Dearka cried. "Why not me?.!."

"BECAUSE YOU'RE A PERVERT!" Miriallia cried.

"I HAD PLENTLY OF TIMES TO PEEP ON YOU, BUT I DIDN'T, SO HA!" Dearka retorted.

"So are you saying you're not a pervert?" Miriallia smirked, knowing she had him there.

"What?.!. Hell no! Of course I'm a pervert!" (And we don't own El Goonish Shive, the most pwnsome web comic ever. Dan Shive owns it, who also pwns.) The blond Coordinator went silent. "Aw, hell…"

"I rest my case!" Miriallia stuck out her tongue.

Dearka went Chibi and started to sob. The palace gates opened and the group walked passed. Yzak was still twitching like crazy and Dearka was in a semi-permanent gloom mode. Athrun grinned at the two of them.

"See you guys later!"

The gates closed and Dearka clung to them, calling out to Miriallia. "Wait! Please! Don't leave!"

She ignored him. And he proceeded to drown Yzak in his tears.

* * *

**BACK TO THE FUTURE!**

The bell rang in the future, and Ashley dashed out of her language arts class, tapping her toes and pacing.

"Come on… Come on… Dammit, Pollack let them out of class!" Finally, the two walked out of the door, surrounded by several other students. "Ah, finally! You guys, did you see…?" The two stared at her with zombie-like eyes. "Whoa… What happened to you two?"

"Steven played Dirty-Word Scrabble again…" The responded simultaneously.

"And he used the dictionary…" moaned Mike.

Sara was twitching, her North Face over her head. "N-nothing can penetrate my coat of solitude… (;coughdon'townElGoonishShivecough;) N-nothing… can… I'm safe here… in my happy place…"

"I think she's really lost it this time…" Ashley murmured, patting poor Sara on the head. Ashley did a double-take. "Okay, we have problems here! Did you guys see…?"

"The Salem Dress-Maker Trials?" Mike put in.

"Um, I was going to say random people turning into cavemen, but that works too!"

Killian put in an, "Ugga," and kept walking.

"Fetal position…" Sara was murmuring in the background while the group was walking.

"Damn, I think we made a mistake here." Ashley groaned.

"No, the entire world's history being altered in ways we could never imagine is a _good_ thing!" Mike shot back sarcastically.

"…You were being sarcastic there, weren't you?"

"Ya think?"

"It should be illegal to answer something with sarcasm two times in a row!"

Sara, who finally put down the 'coat of solitude', commented, "I dunno," she giggled, "I think Killian looks quite fetching as a caveman."

Several girls swooned as he walked down the hall way, though if it was for his looks or body odor, we shall never know.

"Well, I wouldn't say fetching," a curly-haired boy remarked, "but it's an improvement!"

"Bubba? What are you doing here?" Mike cried.

Bubba blinked. "Oh, crap!" He dashed down the hall, disappearing half-way down.

"Explanation?" Sara questioned.

"I think it has something to do with my next year's health class…" She murmured. "Speaking of which, I have to go there now… This year's health class, not next year's."

The group sighed. Ashley bid her friends good-bye and turned the corner to the consumer technology room, while Mike went up the stairs to health class and Sara grumbled on her way to gym.

Man, things were going to get sooo messed up…

* * *

"Nobody knows the trouble I feel… Nobody knows my sorrow…" Dearka moaned (don't own this song).

Yzak scoffed. "Oh, come on. I have it just as bad as you."

"No you don't! Milly hates me!" Dearka whined.

"And that's a change how?"

"Well, my marriage isn't deranged!"

"At least I _have_ a marriage! … Or at least I will… You'll end up living alone in your parents' basement!"

"Well at least my parents are cool!"

"Was that a diss? WAS THAT A DISS?"

"Oh, hell yeah! Bring it!"

"Already brought!"

A little peasant girl edged closer to her mother. "Mother, what exactly are they bringing?"

"I do not know, my dear child, but I do not think that it is a gift from the Heavenly One…"

"Do you wanna take this outside?"

"WE ALREADY ARE OUTSIDE!"

"Mooooommmmmyyyy!.!.!.!.!.!" The little peasant girl was pulled away from the two.

The two boys screamed and yelled at each other, tackling one another to the ground and rolling around, trying to punch each other. This continued until a yell came from behind them.

"WHAT ARE YOU BOYS DOING?.!." They turned around, pausing in mid-punch to see Miriallia standing behind the gate with her hands on her hips.

Dearka shrieked, pushing Yzak away and jumping to his feet. "No, Miriallia, it's not what you think! All the fangirls are wrong!" (Sara: EW! EW! JUST LIKE AKUROKU! IT'S WRONG!!! … However, I'm not a homophobe; I just think its plain wrong…)

Miriallia blinked, confused. "What? EW! NO! I mean you're scaring all the little kids!" She gestured to the little peasant children, screaming and running from the "scary rolling men". Miriallia groaned. "I wouldn't expect something like this from you!"

Yzak, who was now covered in dirt, glared. "You mean you expect it from me!"

Shiho, who stood behind Miriallia, just replied. "Yeah."

Yzak's mouth dropped open and moved wordlessly, much like a fish's. Man, if looks could kill…

However, Dearka strangely turned Chibi (which disturbed the townsfolk even more). "D-does that mean you like me?" Hope literally spewed from his eyes.

Miriallia gulped. "I…" _SHIT!_ "Wh-whatever! I'm heading back inside!"

Suddenly, in two poofs (you thought they were gone? HAH! DIE FROM OVER-USE OF POOFS!) that only Miriallia could see. One was a version of her with kitty ears, a tail, and claws, while the other was her with Vulcan ears and black hair, wearing her military uniform.

"Are you an elf?" She questioned.

"Do you know nothing about the twenty-third century?" Asked the Vulcan.

"…"

"You've gotta let him in with you!" Cried the kitty-eared Milly.

Miriallia looked at her strangely. "Are you suggesting…?"

"NO, YOU DIRTY PERVERT!"

"Ignore her," said the Vulcan. "There is no logical reason for you to subject yourself to that fool."

Miriallia blinked. "Shouldn't you guys be an angel and a devil or something?"

"SCREW MORTALITY!" Cried the kitty-girl.

"… Ummmmm…"

"… Morality, fine…"

The Vulcan ignored the awkward moment. "I would not put it like that, but in a sense, she is correct. This is a matter of logic and curiosity, not good and evil."

"Guess which one _I_ am! Can you guess?.!. I really wanna know!" Curiosity bounced while Logic gave her a dry look.

"…Rrrright… I think I'm going to go with logic…" Miriallia tried edging away from Curiosity with no luck.

"Then you'll let Dearka inside?" Curiosity grinned, her tail twitching.

"Yeah, nice try, but no." Miriallia replied dryly.

"_Yes_ you will, because _both_ Logic and Curiosity _demand_ that you let him inside!" The kitty-girl chimed while Logic shook her head (and what you read just now was an almost exact quote from El Goonish Shive. You will read it. The Owl will eat you if you don't.).

"Why is this?" Miriallia asked the two.

"Because," Curiosity replied, "if you don't let Dearka in, you'll never give him the chance to show you another side of him. He could be a kind, gentle guy if you just let him, but if you don't start now, you may never know."

"Well, she does have a point," Logic said thoughtfully.

"WHAT?.!." Miriallia yelled.

Curiosity's eyes got really big (oh no…). "And anyway, he may get sick out there…"

From her other shoulder, Logic rolled her eyes. "Oh, no she's using the Kitten Eyes™. Now you know you can't give in… Miriallia? Are you even listening to me? Miriallia?"

"Awww… She's a cute little kitty… With her little kitty-ears…" Yep, she was gone.

Logic merely sighed, looked up at the sky, and went away with a poof.

Curiosity grinned an evil-kitty grin. "Besides, you'll never know how it feels to kiss him…"

Miriallia choked on her own lungs and her face turned the color of Shiho's uniform. "Ack!"

Dearka, who was now human-sized again, looked at her curiously. "Uh, Miriallia? Are you …okay?" Miriallia coughed, composing herself. "Do I … have something on my face?"

Shiho smirked. "Yeah, you have a large blob of Yzak-Germs on your face." She replied dryly. Miriallia gave her a look that just asked for an explanation. "ZAFT Academy joke."

"Oh…" That explained everything. Miriallia bit her lip and stared at Dearka. "…We need a court jester…"

Dearka grinned. "I'm there!" Yzak muttered something along the lines of "not that far from class clown to court jester…" More academy jokes…

The gate opened and Dearka dashed in. Yzak was about to follow, but the gates slammed shut, locking him out.

"Nuh-uh," Shiho shook her finger. "You stay out here."

"Oh, come on! Are you _still_ mad that little fight we had back in that other story?" Yzak asked.

Shiho stared at him for a moment. "Yes," and turned around, walking back to the castle.

Yzak decided to pull the "Best Friend" card. "Come on, Dearka! We're best friends!"

Dearka turned to the androgynous ZAFT pilot (we haven't used one of those jokes in awhile), eyes flaming. "Were we 'best friends' when you dressed me up in a Barbie costume in fourth grade? Were we 'best friends' when you took a picture of me and then photoshoped Ken kissing me? Were we 'best friends' when you POSTED THE PICTURE ON EVERY MYSPACE IN THE WORLD?.!.?.!." (Don't own Barbie or MySpace)

"You have deep-seeded emotion problems, don't you?" Miriallia asked sardonically.

"WELL I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE! SO HA! YOU POINTED A GUN AT MY HEAD AND SAID I WAS WITH THE BAD GUYS, BUT BEING WITH THE BAD GUYS GOT ME A GIRLFRIEND!" He then stomped off, half-dragging Miriallia with him. A loud shout of, "Hey, don't push it!" came from the latter, followed by a slap.

Silence followed. Yzak sighed, hitting his head against the gate's metal bars. "I'm stuck in the past, my best friend's having a semi-emotional breakdown, and my fiancé hates me (what else is new?). Well at least this can't get any worse."

The sky answered him, opening up and drenching him with pure irony, turning the dirt he was covered in to mud.

"Okay, _now_ it can't get any worse." He grumbled.

And then the trumpets sounded. Yzak turned his attention to the balcony of the palace, seeing Sai standing there with several trumpeters. "All hail royal Queen Cagalli, and her consort Prince Athrun!"

The two walked out onto the balcony, and even Yzak could see their red faces.

"LONG LIVE THE QUEEN! LONG LIVE THE HOPEFULLY SOON-TO-BE-KING (Yes, even those in the Middle Ages were Asucaga fans…)!"

Yzak's eyes twitched. "Maybe I should just shut up." (The Replacements rules. And we don't own it.)

"ALL HAIL!"

"Why am I standing in the rain, standing in the mud, **worshiping Athrun**?" Yzak asked rhetorically.

"Why, miss! You're hair is so beautiful!" Cried a woman.

"I'm flicking you off, karma! I'm flicking you off in my mind!"

* * *

Life continued to suck for Yzak. He had to sleep with the pigs because no one would take him in. He watched the timeline slowly get more and more distorted.

Kira was walking down the street with Lacus, and all the little children ran up to them. "King Kira! King Kira! Tell us a story!"

"Ummm… Okay… How about I tell you kids about the future?" The children cheered. "All right, in the future, you'll get to ride around in these really cool things called cars. They run on a material called gasoline, which is actually very bad for this world and humans overuse this and had it not been for scientists of my era, we would've destroyed the whole environment! Well, I'm not saying gasoline is bad exactly, but those cars!"

The kids looked at Kira in horror. "UNCLE DEAAAAAARKAAAA!.!.!." They ran screaming.

Lacus put her arm on Kira. "I think you should've worded that better, Kira… Or maybe told them a different story! Like when you got Birdy!"

"And then ended up trying to kill their precious soon-to-be-king? They'd _kill_ me!"

The little kids found Dearka in a court jester's outfit. Miriallia was taking pictures of him.

"Is this necessary?" Dearka grumbled.

"Oh, yes. Blackmail is always necessary." Miriallia grinned.

The kids practically tackled the poor boy. "UNCLE DEARKA! KING KIRA SCARRED US!"

"Don't you mean scared?" Shiho asked from her position on the side. Because she is on the side. _Always_.

"NO!"

"Er, all right… How about Uncle Dearka sings you kids a song?" He tried.

"YAY!"

"Are you talking in third person?" Shiho shot over.

"Sh, quiet." He cleared his throat.

_"OOOOOOOO Life's gonna suck when you grow up, when you grow up, when you grow up! Life's gonna suck when you grow up, it sucks pretty bad right now! _Hey, if you know the words, sing along!_"_

Miriallia squeaked.

_"You're gonna hafta mow the lawn, do the dishes, make your bed, you're gonna hafta go to school, until you're seventeen! _It's gonna seem about three times as long as that!"

The children cowered in fear, backing away from Dearka.

_"You may have to go to war, shoot a gun, kill a nun. You may have to go to war, when you get out of school! _Hey cheer up kids, it gets a lot worse!"

Shiho and Miriallia were dancing around, gesturing wildly, but Dearka seemed lost in song as he further scarred the little children.

_"You're gonna hafta deal with stress, deal with stress, deal with stress. You're gonna be a giant mess, when you get back from the war!"_

"MOOOOMMMYYYY!" A girl yelled, running away.

_"There's no such thing as Santa Claus, and there's no Easter Bunny. You'll find out when you grow up, that Big Bird isn't funny (funny, funny, hahahahaha!_)_Life's gonna suck when you grow up, when you grow up, when you grow up! Life's gonna suck when you grow up, it sucks pretty bad right now!"_

Miriallia thought it could get no worse. But then it did.

_"You're gonna end up smoking crack, on your back, face the fact! You're gonna end up hooked on smack, and then you're gonna die! Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do, do-do-do, do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do, and then you're gonna diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie!"_

A beat of silence followed and then… "AAAAHHHHH!!!"

"MAMA, HEEEEEELP MEEEE!!!"

"HE'S SCAAAARY!!!"

Dearka blinked. "What? What'd I say?"

Miriallia walked up to him and promptly kicked him in the shin. "You are an _idiot_!"

Shiho put in, "And Dennis Leary owns that song!"

* * *

Yzak had finally gotten fed up with the Middle Ages. They'd been mucking it up way too long. He had a bad feeling that everything they'd done here was going to cause serious problems back in the future…

He waited until the 'queen and soon-to-be-king' were out walking, surrounded by about a thousand townsfolk. The Chibis were gathered nearby, as well as Kira and Lacus. Dearka was being pelted with kicks and punches from Miriallia and Shiho, and Sai was busy trying to calm down Fllay, who was still seething from the peasants confusing her with a witch. Yzak scanned the crowd, searching for the remote.

"Come on, come on, come on… BINGO!" Yzak spied Murrue and Mwu off to the side, obviously hiding something. As he got closer, he heard their conversation.

"Mwu, I don't think you should be messing with that."

"Come on, it's broke, we need to fix it, I fix it, we get home; perfect solution!"

"But what if you break it even more?"

Mwu had no time to answer. Yzak leaped at the two, reaching for the time-remote. "MINE!"

Mwu, on instinct, pulled the remote away just as Yzak grabbed it. There was a bright flash of light and all who were from the Cosmic Era disappeared with Murrue's shout of, "I TOLD YOU!"

* * *

Health class was always boring. Mike had already heard all the stories and innuendos, so it wasn't interesting or awkward. That took all the fun out of it. She stared blankly at the board as Mrs. Grimes was lecturing on safe sex or condoms or a combination of the two.

A chill ran up her spine as the room flashed. A loud whiny came from outside, and very slowly, she pushed herself out of her chair. Outside, there were cobble-stone streets and horse-drawn carriages. You didn't have to be a genius to figure out what had happened. She had to meet up with Sara and Ashley and talk to them about this!

"…And sex is like jumping out of an airplane…" POOF! "… Sex is like jumping off of a mountain… And a condom is a parachute!"

Oh, perfect time to leave!

Mike raised her hand and didn't even bother being called on. "Mrs. Grimes! Can I be, um, excused?"

"Now, Michele, I know that eighth grade health class is awkward, but we're all mature young adults here."

Patrick, the boy from Ashley's Language Arts class, sniggered. "Penis."

And laughter rang out through the room.

When it quieted down, Mike tried again. "Please? I have, um… _feminine problems_!"

Silent. Mrs. Grimes blinked. "Oh… Um, all right… Take your time, Michele."

Patrick, who had been sitting next to Mike only a half-second before, was now on the other side of the room, contemplating whether to jump out the window or not.

Mike chuckled at Patrick and then dashed out of the room. She knew Sara would be busy dying in gym and probably couldn't be disturbed. She ran down to the consumer technology room, poking her head in and spying Ashley with an apron and a hair-tie.

"Hey! Ashley! Over here!" She hissed. Ashley continued focused on her cooking. "Goddess!" Still trying not to burn down the school. "CHIBI GIRL!" Ashley blinked, her head perking up. She spied Mike and gasped.

"Erm, excuse me, Mel," She said quickly to her friend in her group. "I'll, ah, be back soon." She ran up to the consumer technology teacher and was outside in less than a minute.

"Ah, the infamous 'bathroom' excuse always works!" Ashley grinned.

"Um, we have a problem." Mike said bluntly.

"Again?"

"Yeah… No cars."

"… You know how I said I thought we made a mistake?"

"Yeah?"

"I win."

* * *

A/N: YAY! We finished another chapter! It only took us all night!

Sara and Mike: ;sleep;

… How come I can stay up longer than most humans and still function?

Sara: ;Chibi-sleep;

Mike: Uh, maybe because you're _not_ human.

Quite right! I am the immortal Evil Empress Alchemist! (FMA, do not own) Immortals never sleep! Screw mortality! … Okay, sleep is now required or death shall come fast.

Mike: I WIN!

… Yeah, review… We haven't gotten many of those… This is now being put up in the morning because Sara's internet was being mean.


End file.
